My Inner Figure is a Size 2

Having a baby is interesting because to some extent, you have the opportunity to decide how to reshape your body. Of course, baby or not, people always have this opportunity, but when you have a baby, the task becomes quite a bit more obvious. I think that so much of it is making your external appearance reflect who you feel that you are inside. There are so many different sizes and shapes of women that are beautiful. And different people find different things attractive. Sure, you can see on TV/movies what is "in" and how the so-called ideal woman's figure has changed over the years, but not everyone SHOULD look the same. We all have different heights, different boob and hip sizes, different attributes, etc. I consider myself lucky to have had the opportunity to be pregnant twice and experience some serious extremes. For example, going from an A cup to a D. Wowza!!! Going from being a super skinny size 0 to gaining 65 lbs and having curves in every place you can imagine. I know women who have a baby and realize they LOVE being curvier and try to stay that way. It is all about how you feel your body was meant to be shaped and what makes you confident and happy. I naturally have hips. Always have. So no matter how skinny I get, I will always have an hourglass figure. However, by nature I am small-chested and only 5'2". I have thought about this a lot lately, and I am most confident as a size 2. Being very curvy, as I have been and continue to be even now, drives me CRAZY, to be honest. It's not that I think it's unattractive. It's just not me. And it scares me when I see it in the mirror because I feel like I am in someone else's body and the kind of clothes I want to wear look weird. I like being small. I like being petite and able to fit in tiny spaces. I have been a size 0 and looked skeletal, so I think that is too small, especially with my hips, so I don't believe that "skinnier-is-better". Anyway, my point here is that I am realizing there is so much more to this process than simply losing the weight that was gained during pregnancy. It's about finding yourself and reflecting it on the outside. Which for me is: Size 2, curvy hips, toned body, ridiculously pale (I don't have any interest in tanning), and long hair. :) That's what the little cartoon character of myself looks like in my head. I just need to make the mirror reflect the same. Maybe this is what turning 30 is all about? Took me this long to figure out who I am.