The REAL Reasons I am so Damn Motivated

I wanted to write a little bit about motivation because it is so much more than making goals and following through. Really what matters the MOST is that it comes from deep within you. You cannot do it for anyone else and your reasons for doing it have to be so powerful that the thought of not doing it is unbearable. I really think everyone has different reasons for wanting to lose weight and get in shape, but I am going to talk about mine. These are the things that make NOT doing it unbearable.

1. Sanity. It is not randomly placed in the number 1 spot. It IS the most important reason for me. Exercise gives me a tremendous escape. What am I escaping from? I just moved to a new state and had my second child, making that two children under age two. I am a professional musician who went from working every week, often every day, to now once a month, if I'm lucky. I am basically a stay-at-home-mom, and I do NOT like being a stay-at-home-mom. I realize that sounds selfish, but it's just the truth. I love my children more than I will ever love anything else in this world and abhor the thought of hiring a baby-sitter, much less taking them to daycare or anywhere else. I want to see every thing that they do and I want to kiss and hug them all the time. But this role, this sitting at home doing the mundane diaper-changing, tantrum-calming thing isn't for me. I am not crafty at all, I don't sew, I don't like to cook (although thankfully I can), all the rooms in my house are NEVER clean at the same time, I do not enjoy the absolutely exhausting every day routine. I want to perform music and I want to travel, I want to read, I want to have adventures. So why the Hell did I have kids? This baby phase is rough. It's hard not to leave your house just because it's just too much work to get everyone ready. It's hard to always worry about them eating and not getting hurt and learning enough and feeling loved. But I can say wholeheartedly that they are the best thing that has ever happened to me because they show me humanity, grace, humility, and adventure beyond anything I could have ever experienced without them. That being said, as soon as they are old enough, I fully intend to start working more and traveling, having adventures, living the life I want WITH them in it. That will be beautiful. But for now, while I am feeling out of my element and desperate to grasp onto something that will bring me back to myself when I need it the most, I have exercise. It's my own time to push myself, to feel good, to get an adrenaline rush, to STOP worrying, and to get stronger. That was a LONG description, but this is the biggest reason for me.
2. Wardrobe. There is no way I am buying a new wardrobe in bigger sizes. NOT gonna happen.
3. Looking good. I would be lying if I didn't admit to the level of vanity involved here. I'm sorry, I want to look hot naked. So shoot me. I looked good before the baby, so damnit, I am going to look good after. I want to be able to wear anything and not think about some stupid fat roll. I want toned muscles in a bikini. I grew up doing ballet and will never forget the first audition I won at age 9 to be a bon-bon. They lined us all in a row with our numbers pinned to our leotards and a very stern, terrifying woman walked down the line and yelled out which ones of us didn't make the cut based on our looks alone. Not the right height, shape, whatever. I was lucky to make it past that as well as the dancing portion, but those thoughts about how I looked were planted at a young age. The Sesame Street idea that everyone is different and beautiful went straight out the window. As a professional musician, I have been cursed with being a perfectionist, so you can bet that I will not be doing anything half-assed here. I don't want to look like a body-builder, but I want to look good, and won't stop until I have achieved my goal.
4. Confidence. When I don't look good in my own eyes, I don't feel much like leaving my house. Every time I am out in public and I bend to pick something up or sit down or do anything at all, I am extremely aware of my flaws. Call me eccentric. But I'm tired of it and want it to stop. What a waste of brain space, right? I want to carry myself with poise and elegance, not insecurity.
5. Strength. When I work out, I can much more easily carry around my 30 lb toddler and swing him all over the place. I can keep up with him when he runs. It's a pretty wonderful feeling.
6. Energy. I swear to you, exercising is like getting another couple hours of sleep! When I come back from a run, I feel AMAZING. Tired, sweaty, detoxified, hungry, fresh. It's becoming an addiction!
7. Challenge. That feeling you get when you try so hard to do something. And you do it. You win.